Official Queen of Salem Photo Shoot

1/13/2014

Location: Salem, MA
Date: 10/31/13
Written by: Joey

TAKE NOTE: This post was written while DJ & Joey were on their RV roadtrip across America. Sadly, their trip ended before it really got started. No worries, Shelly & Lucia are taking the Connextions Out n About Roadtrip to new heights, exploring one RV park at a time!

It’s finally here, Halloween, Salem Massachusetts style. We awoke to the sound of crews putting the finishing touches on the stage at Salem Common and preparing to accommodate the thousands of people who will be arriving soon. We had to meet Gigi at Melita Fiore Patisserie (www.melitafiore.com) where she will be presenting them with a Gay Flag sticker for being a gay friendly business. What a perfect excuse for us to have a coffee and pastry for breakfast!

We arrived at the patisserie to find Gigi dressed in a purple satin gown and a faux-fur jacket. We quickly dispensed with the introductions, ordered our coffees and pastries and went to work. First order of business, arrange the window display with an antique couch and a couple of tables. I mentioned I hoped Melita didn’t mind our “wrecking” her shop to which she replied, “it looks better the way you guys have it.” (We’re gay. Duh…)

The entire time we were taking photos and video, customers were coming in placing orders and asking what was going on. You know it’s bad PR to not talk to people and answer questions so we stopped to talk to everyone and the ones we didn’t’ speak with were waving and taking photos of Gigi. We were having a great time until a gentleman came in to order and on his way out made a passing comment to Gigi. It began like this: DJ was trying to get good lighting and said he needed to back up more. This man responded to DJ’s comment by saying something to the effect that he would have to back up a LONG way. Gigi asked if he was making a joke or being sarcastic. His reply was “I’m not joking. There’s one in every crowd” and walked out the door.

Gigi and I stood there with mouths open staring at each other in disbelief. First of all, she’s the Official Queen of Salem. Second, it’s freaking Halloween. In Salem. We relayed the information to DJ and his response was to leave the shop and chase the guy down. DJ caught up to him (outside of the man’s place of employment which happened to be the Justice Center) and told him that if he had nothing nice to say to not say anything at all. He asked why he would say something like that in a city that is very tolerant of the LGBT community. According to DJ, the fellow had no response so DJ told him he had half a mind to walk into his place of business and let everyone know what just happened. The man gave a half-hearted, mumbled response and went on his way. The man was correct. There’s one in every crowd and unfortunately, it was him.

As the photo shoot resumed and we were to putting the Gay Flag sticker on patisserie window, Mayor Kim Driscoll was walking by with a videographer in tow (they’ve been filming here and there for a PBS show). Perfect opportunity for an impromptu ceremony and additional photo shoot with the mayor! Not a bad bit of publicity and exposure for Melita Feore Patisserie, Mayor Kim Driscoll, Gigi and of course, the Connextions Out n About Road Trip crew.

Next on our schedule, make arrangements for dinner at Adriatic and enjoy Halloween!

5 Comments

Annette Singer

1/18/2014 09:14:47 am

Tell DJ I said thank you for sticking up for Gigi, as I am her birth sister and I also would have lost my cool. I'm very proud of the person my brother has become in he has faced many hardships in his life. He is a great person, and human being. I Love him very much. Annette S.

Ashley link

1/23/2014 11:48:05 pm

While I understand how a gentleman making an off colored remark is not a welcomed thing, if we want to take the high road and be respected as a community, then we have to act the part.

Chasing down someone to their place of employment and returning the remarks only makes us look as bad as those who hurl remarks at us. While it might give you a sense of accomplishment, all it accomplishes is the fact that we are no better, and no more mature, then the person who caused it.

I am transgendered, and about as mainstream as one can be, so I have a lot of experience with people like this gentleman nay-sayer.

While I do not like insults or approve of them, resorting to chasing someone down and practicing reverse psychology is an even worse action as it puts a negative outlook to all on us on the outlooker. Instead, what I will do is merely disassociate myself with a nay-sayer, and instead, I will simply concentrate on those who support me.

Showing society that off colored remarks will not deter me from being who I am sets a proper and positive example for others to follow...

Whether the town is "GLBT tolerant" or not, there is always going to be someone who does not agree...that is just how life is. How we deal with the situation speaks more volumes than what is being said to us. If we continue to stoop to the level of the nay-sayer, then we will become the thing that we hate the most...the enemy!

Like my advice or don't, it is the truth, and it will become the ultimate deciding factor in our society as to whether or not we gain complete and total equality or continue to be seen by the public as nothing more than a bunch of drama queens.

The choice is yours...make it a good one!

DJ Doran

2/4/2014 12:50:33 am

Hi Annette,

It was my pleasure to stick up for Gigi. She is our friend and thats what friends do for each other. Besides, miscreants like the gentleman that made those comments are emboldened when they make those types of "Drive-By" comments with no threat of any consequences. Although I think we should always first try to take the high road and focus on the people that support us rather than those that are negative, but in this case the guy just pissed me off.

~ DJ

Ashley Bottoms link

2/4/2014 03:18:31 am

But the gentleman left, and you followed after him. How is that sticking up for someone? When someone is threatened and has nowhere to run, and someone else steps in...that is sticking up for them. The threat had walked away...

While I admire your bond of friendship with Gigi, understand that what you have accomplished is showing the public three things:

1. That we cannot deal with bullies when they speak their mind.
2. That we stoop to the level of the bully by following them back to their workplace and causing an even bigger scene there.
3. That what people think or how they feel bothers us...

Heck, you made half your article about how you chased this guy to his place of employment with the intent to cause a scene there! How does that help our cause?

Two wrongs never make a right, and people who were looking on are only going to see one side: The side where you mouthed off to someone. Other than venting, did it accomplish anything? Did it make a difference in the bigger scheme of things?

I think not. If anything, it most likely gave onlookers an even more negative picture of our community than anything else.

People "piss me off" more times than I can count at times. But it is how we react, or do not react, that set the proper tone. For if we are going to adopt the negative reactions and actions of a bully, then aren't we ourselves bullies?

Again, something to think about...

DJ Doran link

2/8/2014 03:23:41 am

Thank you for your second comment. However, I think you may have made some assumptions regarding the fundamental facts surrounding this event. First, there was no "Threat", only an Asshole. Secondly, Gigi did not ask or need anyone to "stick up" for her because as you know, she is more than capable of handling anything or anyone that she needs to, without help from me or anyone else. She was involved in the photo shoot and was much too gracious and classy to do anything but call him on the carpet about his comment as he walked out of the shop and then ignore the miscreant. Thirdly, about your (3) points about what I showed the public, I disagree.

Point #1: Ignoring bullies only emboldens them to continue bullying. It did not work for Neville Chamberlin in 1938 nor does it work for any of the other LGBT people being bullied that we all have read about in the news.

Point #2: There was no stooping to his level nor was any scene created whatsoever. I caught up with the guy in front of the Justice Center where he clearly worked and calmly had a private conversation with him about his behavior. I did not chase him to his workplace or embarrass him in front of his co-workers, I simply asked him in a firm voice how he would like it if someone treated him with the same disrespect that he showed Gigi.

Point #3: I don't really give a shit about what other people think and won't start now at this stage of my life however, I do give a shit how people act, especially toward me or my friends directly and that is not really a Gay specific issue it, is a human Being issue and I will always stand up to anyone who verbally or physically tries to project their ignorance, bigotry or intolerance on me or anyone associated with me.

You are correct, 2 wrongs don't make a right in most cases but not in this one. It is never "wrong" to stand up to anyone who acts in a way contrary to acceptable public behavior, especially from someone who thinks they have a free pass because they wear a suit and tie and work in a government office.

Regarding people only seeing one side and it reflecting poorly on our community, I would agree with you if I indeed was yelling and making a scene, but that was not the case. I was measured but firm in my comments and tone while explaining to this gentleman (and I use this term int the broadest sense possible) that his behavior was appalling. If anything, I showed that we as a community can and will stand up for ourselves in a dignified and mature manner, regardless of the bile that can emanate from some.

Regarding whether or not anything was accomplished by my actions, who is to know that really, but I what I do know is that as the Publisher of a respected and widely distributed LGBT Travel Magazine and an invited visitor to the city of Salem I have a unique opportunity and platform to spotlight this incident to our community as a whole and that in itself hopefully can make a small difference.

Lastly, I agree that it is how we react to these types of situations that sets the proper tone but confronting a bully does not in turn make us a bully, but rather it changes us from a silent victim to an instrument for change.

Something to think about...

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