I never thought that taking on the huge debt of owning a home would have actually been the key to freeing my life. For seven years I lived in the prison I had constructed around myself. Of course, at first, I thought I was building a castle and somehow, brick by brick, it became a dungeon. One would think that after being cheated on for the um-teenth time some spark would have enlightened me that some people do not change and this is NOT love regardless of what is being said. Its amazing how words can be so full, descriptive and consuming...yet someone can make them hollow, brittle and worthless. It changes you after time. Changed me after time. I was no longer smiling, socializing or even really wanting life at all. And yet, believed somehow that things would change and all my dreams would come true....looking back now, I laugh at my ignorance. I faced physical and mental abuse, financial strain, and the all to familiar daily walking on eggshells to make sure that I did not upset my partner by something as simple as saying good morning in a funny/annoying/normal/happy/monotone/any way. Going to work, school, church, a store, I was accused of seeing someone.... I think most all of us can relate to one or more of these walls built around us from these hazardous materials. I even moved to a different state, literally, two thousand miles plus, and less than a year later, BAM! I PAID to have more material for my dungeon imported to continue construction. I guess once you get so used to something or some way, you think, that you can not live without it. It's all you know so you miss it and think, maybe lesson learned and this time, yes, this time...it will be different. But the core, the core of the being is the same no matter how much the outer changes. The house hunting was to be the next step for us. The beginning of the next chapter in our lives. Somehow, even though we had already moved four times already, the house was the fix to our problems. But when I signed the papers and stood in the empty home, I realized it was my opportunity to escape from Alcatraz. This house was to be my castle...and I moved in ALONE. But alone was the first step to true love and my happily ever after. And until you meet "the one" and you will know when you meet "the one" cause they do exist, you will continue to construct the prison of your relationship.
Wow, Juno. Thanks for your very heartfelt post. I can so relate to your journey. The way to the relationship of your dreams is definitely THROUGH you, not someone else. And, while it is a more challenging road, you are taking it and, in the long run you will be happy you did.
Love is ever the beginning of knowledge as fire is of light.
I have been in an on and off relationship for four years now and it recently just ended which I am kind of thankful for. The relationship caused much stress and my family didn't really approve of it, but I kept going through with it even though it was really hurting me in the long run. At the time I didn't understand how bad it was affecting me, but my behavior was much different and I was hurting others around me as well just to keep me happy. It's safe to say I am through with this past relationship even though I still love this person. I guess you can say "Love hurts"
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